I don’t sleep much. I used to. My husband Tom used to call me a stress narcoleptic – when I got stressed out, I’d get tired and nap a lot. Not depression tired, just brain-tired.

Now I’m lucky if I get 5 hours a night. About once a week, I don’t sleep at all. It’s after midnight now, and I’m not even close to tired, even after today’s shenanigans. I think I’ve seen every Law & Order ever broadcast.

I could do something about it. I have a prescription for Ativan, for anxiety and sleep problems. But I have this irrational notion that if I need meds, I’ve given up. I know it’s irrational – I feed my kid 10 pills a day, after all – but it still sticks in my craw. I gave up last year – my shrink put me on antidepressants – and I felt crappy the whole time. The withdrawals were intense when I decided I’d had enough and weaned myself off of them. I had the spins for a month.

Tom sleeps pretty well, but he’s a self-medicator. Scotch is his medication of choice. I’m not a big drinker. I think it’s a control thing. I hate being out of control.

And I’m always out of control, it seems.

Related Posts

  • marvel August 4, 2009 at 2:06 pm

    If insomnia is wreaking havoc in your life and in spite of your consistent efforts you are unable to sleep at night, you should soon approach a doctor. After a thorough examination, your physician may prescribe sleep inducing medicines such as ambien or sonata. However these medicines should never be taken without a proper prescription from a doctor as they tend to yield side-effects which at times can be serious.

  • Chrisa August 4, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    I appreciate your concern. I really do.

    I am, frankly, afraid of ambien, becuase of all the strange side effects.

    I do have ativan for sleep issues and anxiety issues (they are usually tied for me), and I've slept pretty well the last two nights with that.

    Man, I hate doctors. My kid has six, that's probably why. I see so many doctors with him, I have no desire to see any others, ever.

    But you bring up a good point, that many parents of kids with disabilities forget – time for ourselves. It's hard, but it's important to make time for ourselves once in a while. I did yesterday – took a nice, long shower, actually blow dried my hair, which I rarely get time to do, and spent two hours wandering around Sephora and Williams Sonoma, two stores I love, as I love cooking and makeup. Which is ironic, because I rarely have time to put on makeup or cook!