A lot has changed around here in the past couple of weeks. I’ve gone back to work in an office, after working from home for nearly 3 years. Our daughter has gone from thinking we suck, to wanting to hang out with us, to thinking we suck again (she’s 14). It went from 79 and sunny to 34 and cloudy seemingly overnight. And the rose is off the bloom for Tim at his RTC.

Yes, the honeymoon is officially over. In the past two weeks his guard has come down, and he’s moved on to all of his anxiety avoidance techniques. Sleeping late. Excessive bed wetting. Rage in class and at transitions. They called me yesterday to ask about his alternating sleeping in class and raging against staff. I didn’t know what to tell them – school is a huge stressor for Tim because it’s always been difficult. He’s had a one-on-one aid since the second grade, but they are trying to forego this now. He’s always been able to bond with his aide and the aide has helped keep him on task and redirect him when the anxiety gets high. Without one, the teacher is left to abandon the rest of the class to try and keep Tim on an even keel. It’s going to be a battle, for sure.

Contributing to this is his level of homesickness. He’s called nearly every night this week, asking sweetly when we were coming to visit, or when he could come home. It breaks my heart to hear him this way. Tom will be visiting him on Monday, and we are going to take him with us to Wisconsin for the weekend next week. I’m scared to death, though. Will he be able to be back in the family routine for just a weekend? Will it be two days of quelling the demons and sitting on him to hamper rage? Will we be able to get him to go back without inducing a week of anxiety afterwards?

I hate that I can’t fully look forward to seeing my son. There has got to be something wrong with my psyche or brain chemistry or something. What mother in her right mind is afraid to spend time with her 15 year old son?

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