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Fall

Chrisa Hickey1254 views
Perfect Fall
Perfect Fall in Door County by D. Moultray (C) 2010 Used vis Creative Commons License
I’ve been MIA, I know, and I’m sorry.  I need to be better at being more regular.  If for nothing else than for my mental health.  I always feel better when I get things down on paper.  Even virtual paper.  So it’s Fall now.  Sort of.  If you’re here in the Midwest like I am, you’ve also had the weather vacillate between downright late Fall-ish to, “gee, is it still summer?”  I bought a new-to-me wool coat on eBay last week, so I’m in the market for some crisp weather.
Two weeks from now is Fall Fest in Door County, Wisconsin.  My second favorite festival of the year.  If you were around this time last year you may remember that this was the weekend we took Tim out for his first weekend visit from the RTC.  And it did NOT go well.  I called that post Drowning because that’s how I felt.  Tim was deep into his Fall psychosis.  It was stressful to have him back in our routine when we were just starting to get used to a daily routine that didn’t include him everyday.  Our daughter spent the weekend shell-shocked with PTSD as she had to weather being around an unstable brother and parents trying to hold it all together.  A lot has happened to all of us since then, good and not so good.
Yet, Schizoaffective Disorder is as regular as clockwork, and as I type this, Tim has shown signs of his typical Fall mania, followed by prolonged psychosis.  As we did for the Spring cycle, we’ve had a conference with his psychiatrist and case worker about how to stave off the psychosis.  I’m reticent to put him back on Haldol (on top of the Clozaril) because he developed a not-so-interesting little tic of jerking his head to one side after being on it for four months in the Spring.  So we’ll hold on to the Haldol as a PRN – as needed – since his Fall cycle usually isn’t as intense as his Spring cycle, which is the depression cycle.  But the thought of it still has me on edge.  As well as Tim’s doing, and as healing as this year has been for all of us, I’m still a bit on edge at the thought of Tim not being stable.  Even when I know it’s coming.
So this year, no Fall Fest.  Not just because of last year, we do have other extenuating circumstances, like My father, who is usually in Arizona this time of year, being in town for his birthday that weekend, and our friend who has the party we attend after every Fall Fest having some health issues.  But my mind is still in planning and preservation mode.  If Tim can stay stable until early November, we’ve got smooth sailing until late February or March.  And we can all enjoy the Fall!

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